Lessons in Forgiveness

For a huge chunk of my life I always had tutors. At a young age I was told I was “slow” with math and my speech was at a level of nearly zero skill. Out of all of the tutors I had two of them had the most positive impact on my life.

My first tutor was Susan when I was in the 1st grade. The first day my mother took me to meet her we had lunch together at Newport Creamery (the one that is now Panera Bread). Susan was older than I thought she would be, super tight banana curls that were a rich brown color, she was covered in freckles and adored Coca-Cola and ketchup more than anyone I had met before. She would invite me to her home to watch the classic Batman TV show. Susan found ways of working my math lessons into games, things where I could touch and move things around to literally get a better grasp. My English lessons felt like I was simply hanging out with a friend. Susan gave me the patience I was craving, the understanding that I wasn’t broken or hopeless. But my learning system wasn’t so cut and paste and there is nothing the matter with that. I felt forgiven, and it felt like this wave that was holding me with just enough support.

Susan passed away with cancer when I was in the third grade. Even now, I am emotional (crying and shaking) as I think and write about her.

In Middle School, I had a tutor named Christine who was in college at Salve Regina. We had more of a classroom like environment during our sessions. By this level of math it wasn’t as easy to make things hands on. Christine would take me to her college campus to study, meet her friends and once I even was on their college radio station to share a story haha. Like Susan, there was this space of support, patience, and I felt active in forgiving myself. I could see that there was hope for me. I am and was more than these labels that were placed upon me.

I had many tutors in between Susan and Christine, and ones after Christine. But I honestly hated my sessions with the other people, and I was failing classes or borderline failing. That was extremely difficult for me to handle. I was taking hours each week to get extra help, but the work wasn’t showing thus I would get in trouble at school, at home and with a tutor.

So I am going to ask you all to forgive yourself. Forgive others, so you can forgive yourself. To understand that we see things as plan a, it should take X amount of time, being right or wrong, being smart or dumb, but none of that actually works. Can you love, honor, and accept yourself as you truly are?

Patience, forgiveness, practice, grace, acceptance; these are all words that intertwine. None of these can be bought, it can’t be earned, can’t be taken away from you because it is love without limit. As spirit, energy, being more than this temporary vessel, we are an endless surge of love.

 Once Christine gave me a notebook, on the back she wrote Pearls of Wisdom. Christine gave me a list of tools to keep me patient, to meditate, breath, wait, be silent for a little longer than I think my skin can bare. She was clever and didn’t use these words however haha. Today I am sharing my Pearls of Wisdom, my Lessons in Forgiveness.

xx

Forgiveness is letting go of any thoughts, actions and words of hurt from someone who has hurt you.

Forgiveness does not require you to become a “doormat.”

Forgiveness does not diminish the wrong done against you.      

Forgiveness is not denial or blocking a memory.  

Forgiveness does not take away the consequences the other person will face because of his or her actions.

Forgiveness is an act, a process, and a consistent daily practice.

Forgiveness can take longer than we would ever like to admit.

Forgiveness is powerful.

When one person forgives another person, feelings of relief or healing are usually not immediate...it's not a weight magically lifted.

Forgiving someone can be difficult, uncomfortable, and our minds come up with excuses not to forgive.

Forgiveness is not weakness but the most powerful thing you can do. It releases the hold that has been put on your life. It's living in the present. Refusing to forgive allows the person/ thing that was hurtful to continue to hurt you. 

Forgiveness does not wait for the offender to apologize or "earn" forgiveness in some way, that's just the ego.

Forgiveness at times comes naturally depending on the situation we have created in our minds.

We always need to forgive ourselves.

Forgiveness is a form of love. It takes a stronger love to forgive others and oneself than just simply saying sorry.

Replace each fearful, hurtful thought with a thought and/or word of forgiveness.

Forgiveness opens the heart, mind, spirit, body and energy around us for new paths to come to us. There needs to be a path or giving for anything to come our way.

The process of forgiving can be joyful, scary, exciting, difficult for me personally it is a roller coaster of emotions from the past, present, and the imagined future.

Part of forgiveness is acceptance. If we can’t forgive whole-heartedly, we need to accept so we can move on.

Forgiveness is taking responsibility for your own emotions, and evaluating them so you can take action to move forward with YOUR own life.

Forgiveness takes all different shapes, forms, emotions, and actions. Grace and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.

Surrender and forgiveness are not the same. Forgiveness is more of getting out of ones own way, to acknowledge that the world isn’t all about me.

When we forgive, that is when the lesson is truly earned and accepted.